The dance between giving and receiving is one of the hardest things about relationships for me. This might sound crazy, but it took me until relatively recently to realize that I enjoyed helping my friends and that they enjoyed helping me. It is so important to have both energy coming in your life and energy going out!
In the past, I sequestered myself away. I tried to not ask anyone for anything. When something unavoidable came up, I had incredible feelings of guilt and shame for having to ask for help. Part of this was that I wasn't offering to help others. It was my MO, having grown up in a family where there never was enough love or energy to go around. I always felt I had to protect what resources I had. So I had nothing going out and nothing going in. Ask any organism, that is not a healthy way to live!
Conversely, at other times, I expected the world from other people, and all the years of unexpressed need would crest and crash like a tidal wave. I would become furious when others did not respond with what I thought I deserved, with what I thought they "should" do for me.
These days I have started letting my guard down a little with friends. I offer to help them sometimes, and I accept their requests for help when I can. In turn, I ask for and receive help when they can. And I try not to have unrealistic expectations.
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